Take My Wife: 523 Jokes, Riddles, Quips, Quotes, and Wisecracks about Love, Marriage, and the Battle of the Sexes

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Marriage is like a violin. When the sweet music is over, there are still strings attached. My wife is an angel. She's always flying around the house harping about something. "Doctor, doctor, my wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" "No, you idiot! This is her husband!" Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and go to the fridge. When a man opens the car door for his wife, either the car is new--or the wife is. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.The comical compiler of "Yo' Mama Is So..." brings us yet another irresistibly hilarious collection of jokes, quotes, and wisecracks, this time on the funniest subject of all: marriage. When it comes to marriage, you might as well laugh. This little crowd-pleaser is chock full of more than 500 of the funniest jokes on the subject, along with the sassiest, most quotable comments ever uttered by comedians, writers, and other smart alecks. Divided into such topics as the wedding ("I Do"), newlyweds ("I Did"), and kids ("Married with Children"), and wittily illustrated by Martha Gradisher, "Take My Wife..." makes the perfect shower gift or anniversary offering--for not much more than the cost of a card. "My wife and I were happy for 20 years-- then we met."--RODNEY DANGERFIELD "You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted."--HENNY YOUNGMAN "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."--RITA RUDNER